Thursday, August 14, 2008

Trail, Tranny or Track: Gym Style

Apparel at the Olympic games in Beijing is incredible to study; the different high performance fabrics and dynamic designs. Each sport has it's own unique, regulated sportswear: speedos for the men's synchronized diving (curious, I know) and for women's beach volleyball, unitards for men and women's swimming, and the conservative, by comparison, (and my fave) women's tennis skirts and collared shirts (complete with rhinestones and visor). Looking around the gym today I noticed there are varying styles gracing the mats and equipment there as well. These are just three of the types I saw- though there are many depending on what generation you are in- I could go into those in the future. I also only focus on women's apparel today, saving the men's apparel post for another day.
Trail
These ladies have been graced with a naturally slim physique; like my beautiful sister, they can down s'mores for supper and maintain a cellulite-free back-end and flat stomach. These ladies are my frenemies- I love/hate them. Mostly because I wish my physique looked as stylish in black tights and a trendy (probably hemp) screened-t. With shoes that cross over from the trail to the treadmill, they sport long, sun-kissed hair and a spattering of freckles across their sun-glazed bridge. I don't see many Trails in the weight section, they prefer the cardio equipment and the mats for bosu stability workouts. When finished their workout, they grab a fair-trade mocha (fat and sugar ok because it tastes better) and trail-mix granola bar. Driving away in their ironically fossil-fuel guzzling a) Land Rover b) Jeep or c) X-terra they daydream about their next hike in K-country. They may wander in next week for another workout- or not.
Tranny
Not afraid to pick up a weight heavier than the guy pumping next to her, she is a seasoned gym aficionado. Yoga wear is the only option for the gym, allowing her to lovingly gaze at her form in the mirror during shoulder presses. Curvier than the Trail girls, these ladies know the difference between lean muscle tone and skinny-fat. They may seem intimidating as hell to talk to, mechanically progressing from bench to weight set and back, they are really wondering why the heck no one speaks to them at all. Perhaps its the full-face make-up they took the trouble to apply before their sweat-session, or the headphones they consistently wear in their jewellery-laden ears. There are, of course, in any of these Trail, Tranny and Track silos wannabe's. Don't be fooled by a bopper on the elliptical, dressed much like the Tranny- she's a wannabe. Tranny's don't bounce on an elliptical- actually, I mostly see them with the guys (another reason they come across as unapproachable) in the weight section. After seemingly not to break a sweat (although it's just the ridiculously expensive gym wear wicking it away) they immediately down a pre-portioned carbohydrate/protein combination post-workout shake in a Bodybuilding.com shaker. And they wonder if tomorrow they'll make a friend in the gym- because you know they'll be there tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that...
Track


Lastly, the trackies- named as such for their laughably short shorts (but they pull it off). Breezing into the gym with their hair tightly smacked back into a ponytail, with about 3 headbands on they mean business. With quads the size of the average man's (the average man's quads are small enough to look good on a woman who knows how to squat) they'll hit the treadmill first (and probably exclusively). Her connections to the local varsity team (and probably wearing one her varsity boyfriends' sweaty shirt from last night's game) ensure you don't want to get in her way. Perky as fizz in your lemon-soda, she's a gem but like that soda- that perk will go flat if you don't let her work in on the leg press (her second fave machine behind that treadmill). Her shoes have more support than the sports bra she's wearing to flatten those a-cups. Usually under 5'7" trackies are the curviest of the trio, but only due to their overly developed lower body. Driven and focused they are certainly stuck on the same exercise program they've been doing since high school. Leaving the gym, she is texting their varsity boy toy to complain about how you f$%&ed up her workout.
So, that said: which are you? And yes, I definitely fall squarely into one of these categories.
Any other additions to this trio you see in your gym?

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