Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Time Out

Playing competitive volleyball for years, a time out was called to a) distract a server on the other team who had gotten too many points on us b) to clear the head of one of our own players who was playing too much 'inside her head' or c) so that coach could feed his own need to give us hell for the way we were playing. Rarely was it used as a rest stop, to allow us to catch our breath and reduce our heart rates.
As it is now, I am taking a 'time-out'. A big life 'time out' in fact. Yes, I probably need to clear my head as I'm living inside it too much these busy days (don't we all?), and it's partly due to a coach giving me hell. But mostly, it's for that reason we never took during a game, and rarely do during life- to catch my breath, rest my heart and return to a base state. I did consult a doctor about my 3-5lb weight gain a week for the last 8 weeks last Wednesday, and it took until this morning for her advice to sink in and for me to get real about my health. It's not my fault, I'm not doing anything wrong, and continuing to train for the half marathon, and eat a strict diet is not relieving the problematic weight gain at all. And so, as much as I hate to do so, as I've never 'quit' anything in my life once committed to it, I'm dropping out of the half-marathon in October. Following the advice of my doctor, I will be devoting my time to healing my body's physically taxed state. It will only heal if I let it, and by continuing to train for 1-2hours a day, eating too strict of a diet, I was not allowing the healing to happen as it should.
So I ask for your kindness, and understanding. It's an agonizing decision to make, and I'm even now not sure what my days will look like in a new program (what will I do if I don't train 1-2 hours a day? What will more than 6 hours of sleep a night feel like? Can I calm myself enough to do it?). I went straight from training for the fitness competition, to training for a marathon and know no other habit than to be in that gym every day, without fail, pushing my limit. And now, I'm paying the price of not allowing myself to heal. It will make for some interesting topics of discussion here on my blog, as I enter a totally new territory and way of being.

No comments: